God is My Boyfriend

By Jeniece Marie

A conversation

 I've decided that since I've had no success with any other relationship in my life, this one couldn't hurt. I might as well give myself over to it. God asked me out...for real...like the big stuff...a few weeks ago. It's been difficult because I don't know that I can trust Him. I've been so hurt so many times. I've been rejected, abandoned, verbally and emotionally abused, tossed aside, ignored, crushed, and hurt. Why on earth would I trust another "guy" with my heart? Why put myself out there again.

"Because I created your heart."

Okay, good point. Fine, here's my heart. But inside I'm thinking, there's no way I'm letting my entire guard down for You. I don't care what You created - You're not getting in. You say that You'll change me, break me, remold me into Your original design. What on earth - or heaven for that matter - makes You think that I'm up for that kind of treatment? At least when a guy is done breaking me, he holds me...makes up for it. What can You do that will make the pain and anguish worth it all?

"I can protect you in ways you didn't know you needed protected. I can grant every desire that you've ever had and ever will have - and didn't know that you had. The full and overwhelmingly exciting life that you so desire is what I'm waiting to give you...if only you can trust me enough to hand over the controls."

Okay, so You want to drive. That's fine. But there is a lot of stuff I want to bring on this trip. You've got to let me have that.

"What is so important that you can't leave it behind?"

I'm glad you asked. This suitcase holds my family and my close friends. They are so important to me. Their opinions mean so much and I look to them for direction. How can I go on this trip without them?

"And..."

This bag holds my securities. I love my movies and my music...my books and mycell phone. I can't leave on a trip without some distractions. The journey would just be too long and boring. You can't expect me to make it with nothing to listen to or watch. That's just not fair.

"And..."

Well this trunk has my clothes and my make-up and other stuff. I have to look good for the journey. What if we meet some people along the way? I don't want to look dirty and uncared for. I don't want to be a mess when we get there.

"And..."

Well the other baggage is my past and my future. I can't let go of the pain I've had in my life because then I won't learn from it. I'll just get hurt again. I have to carry those walls and that pride with me too. I need protection from what we might meet along the way. Remember, no one is looking out for me, but me! I have to know where I'm going with my future. How else will I know how to plan it and what I need to do now? Somebody has to be in control. I can't leave my plans, goals, etc. just because You're on this trip too.

"And what about him..."

Him? Well I need that guy because I need that emotional support. I'll be a wreck if I try to do this myself. I need someone to hold my hand - to answer the phone when I call. I need affirmation of who and what I am. You know I'm trying to be independent and all, but a girl has got to have somebody to give her affection and promise wonderful things. I definitely can't let go of him.

Why do You ask about all this? Isn't it normal to take all this luggage on a trip?

"My dear sweet daughter. This is not a trip. This is the journey that will take the rest of your life. We will never be truly done. The only things that will fit in this vehicle are you, Me, and My perfect will for your life. Why would you want anything else? Why do you need to cling to family and friends and their opinions? Don't Mine mean enough to you? Do you not trust Me to lead you in the right direction?

Why do you need your securities as you so honestly name them? If you allow me to fill you to overflowing, they will all become unnecessary. Why must you fill your time and your life with things....things that have little to no importance in the face of what I can offer you? Why would you want to be distracted from what I am giving you? There are so many things to see and so many people to meet. Would you hide your face from these?

Why do you feel the need to 'look good'? The journey will be messy. You will get dirty, dusty, bloody even. What does it matter what clothes you wear and what your face looks like? I call you to take care of your body as it is a gift from me. What makes you think that you have to deck it out to impress others? You must only impress me. I will be the only decoration you ever need. You will glow with life - and what make-up or clothes can accomplish that better than Me? When we 'get there' as you put it, I'll have something much better for you to wear - nothing you can bring can compare.

My dear sweet child - what makes you think that your past hurts and your future plans can protect you from this life? Only I can protect you. Only I know what is coming down the road. Only I truly know what you've experienced. I was there when you thought you could die inside because of the way others spoke to you. I was there when you held the pills in your hand because the emotional pain was so intense you couldn't bear it. I was there when they laughed at you - rejected the beauty that I placed inside you. I was there when you cried yourself to sleep. You just chose not to see Me. Let go of the hurt and the damage and the scars and let me heal you. I only want the best for you. Why would you doubt that?

And as for him. He is beautiful and my creation. But you don't NEED him. You only NEED Me. I want to give you someone who will enhance your life - someone who will complement your beauty the way I intended it. Someone who will lift you up and treat you as I do. If you cannot perceive all of my will for your life, what makes you think that you can comprehend the person that you should be with for the rest of your life. You MUST let go of all of your attachments so that I can make you a whole person again. Then, and only then, can I give you that greatest of all human gifts. You must allow me to work with Him as well. How else will you fit each other the way I intended?

I am the King of all...earth is My footstool. You, my dear, are my princess because you are my daughter. Why would I not give you the best?"

Okay, You make a good argument. But I can't do this alone. I can't go through the pain alone. I'm too scared. I need something - someone to hold onto! I'm going into panic mode here...I can't do this! You can't make me do this!! I don't care how right you are! Just don't push me! Don't do this!!!!!

"My daughter, if you are ever to truly know me and the life that I have for you, you must be willing to let go of everything that you know and freefall into my arms. The pain comes when I break you...this must happen because you've allowed too much that is not of me to become apart of who you are. I love you too much to leave you that way when I know that there is so much more for you. Why would you hold onto the pain and the heartache when I want to fill your arms with my blessings? Why would you choose to wear the badge of this earth when I want to give you the sign of heaven? Only when you truly let go, can you TRULY FLY!!! I have called you to a life of freedom and unconditional love. When will you accept?"

Okay. But this is it. I'm never giving in again. You will have to prove Yourself to me. You can't stand me up. You have to be there when I need You. You have to help me throw out all my luggage. It's just too heavy for me. You have to fill those holes in my life and fulfill me. I'm so tired of being lonely and empty.

"My child, I love you more than you can ever comprehend and I look forward to our life together. I will show you every day - when you awake in the morning til you sleep at night. I will hold you in My arms while you rest and watch over you at night. I will protect you from those who wish to do you harm. I will provide for you in every way because you are my bride. I sacrificed myself completely for you even though you couldn't make up your mind whether or not I was worth it. If I would allow myself to be slaughtered just because of my love for you, why can you not trust your heart to me?"

Okay, Jesus, here we go. It's just You and me, your will and the open road. LET'S GO!!

From Sister's day out.....

The Single day of a Christian is not a bad day...


"So refuse to worry, and keep your body healthy. But remember that youth, with a whole life before you, is meaningless. Don't let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, "Life is not pleasant anymore." Ecc 11:10, Ecc 12:1.



This is d time for Us to understand an unadulterated life wit our creator. Ask Ur Creator 'why was I fashioned n for what?'. Find Ur purpose by studying n fellowship wit d Holy Spirit. We are not created for a bundle of trials n errors...i.e..mistakes. Its wrong to say 'ts my time to make mistakes; let me make them now so in future...i won't make the same mistakes."


At dis phase; we should put in so much in ourselves, investing in our personality... Being Single is a gift of God to Us. For U to be able to be fulfilled; U need Substance in yourself ... That's why d bible stated that 'we should not live an unproductive life'...

"Our people must learn to do good by meeting the urgent needs of others; then they will not be unproductive"
Titus 3:14.


At this phase; people should see U being resourceful, to be prudent, to learn skills, there is nothing added to a man that is a waste...


We learn Wisdom... Let people ask 'how old are U'; d best way to do this is by 'shutting up n let people talk'...gather information from all around


Learn integrity n Strength of Character.


Learn to be trustworthy; be dependable; be stable.


Live a life worthy of emulation.





Don't be carried away by the little things of youthfulness because there's a big life out there and only people wit substance can live there...; have a fellowship with the Holy Spirit so U would be too full to be influenced... U re made on Ur own;




The Bible didn't say U re attached to Abraham's seed; U re Abraham's seed!!

so you should be able to say

"Am an asset; am so full...!! I can meet my own needs; I just need someone to serve God with me."


Whatever U let someone stop U from doing reduces Ur level; don't let anyone stop you from doing things U enjoy... anything!!! else you allow them to reduce your level... U don't need someone to fill up your emptiness!!






"And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.


Teach the truth so that your teaching can't be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us."Titus 2:7-8 you should train yourself so much that nothing entices you anymore. When U re on a mission; U remain focus... This is a serious trip not a pleasure trip!!


(When U buy all the shoes in Centro; what would U do if U get to a bigger mall; You would die there... ) Restrain Ursef; learn it...its hard but necessary!! U lose value if U can't restrain youursef;... What U don't see; U don't think about.
People look down at ladies with the prospect that we can't restrain ourselves but as Children of God; we can restrain ourselves.

We are at the women's era.

"If am an eagle; I should forget d crumps d Chicken are looking for but I should aim for d flesh between the rocks. If I walk wit d Chicken; I will lose my direction"

Ts important to cultivate all of this so d next phase in life would require less counsel.

This is d best time to cultivate relationships; relate wide; with everyone... Learn how to relate wit people wit different kind of attitudes...build relationships with people around U; the opposite sex with a Godly relationship.

A lot of people are too conscious wit themselves; loose it!! Relate with people...widely; don't be shaky! The advantage we have is the Holy Spirit.

We are not banks of trials n errors; we are a bank of wealth n knowledge.

Don't settle for less than God's best for U; if U spend all Ur time relating wit just one person... D fondness increases; if U re not in Charge or wit a cautious environment; U ll lose track.


Don't be too sentimental!!! God will not force someone out of Ur mind/life...U ave to let loose n let go yourself

When U ave opportunities of people telling U to forget r/ships; thank d person...so, in choosing ur life partner... Ur decisions won't be biased!

Don't put yourself in unnecessary bondage; now is the time to get Stuffed...so, when U get there; d decisions won't be hard.

How long would U keep trying to make it work or check compatibility? Stop living Ur life the way of the world. There's so much to life; you can't try them all... Let the Holy Spirit direct U!!

When you are courting the right way; U would change things... When U re not courting d right way; U get carried away by little things...like physical attraction.... at the end of the day; you are unhappy, fighting and struggling to keep up with the relationship

Ur purpose in life is always in accordance wit God's way/will... The more U fellowship with the Holy spirit;the more he reveals to U ur destiny n ur purpose.

Integrity is a depth of ur personality... Our Standard is d Word of God; the word tells Us specific things and how to act... As Children of God; we should ave integrity. Our words; our time... Should be banked on!

If you position Ursef in d path of God's desire for U; U ll be found. There is no age too old for God... God is not slacked in his promises; he made us in pairs...but this is one area he made Us choose but we shouldn't hasten or rush! He will give U d desires of Ur heart; what makes U happy...

Seek personal counsel....or quit...if you are already in a relationship.

PRAY!!!

We walk into complex situations sometimes because of the environment we found ourselves...

Just so you know.....

The truth should be likened to A Face..... no matter the make-up you use to cover up the real image; you still can't truly hide it.... Cover it up all you want; twist it; do whatever.... It's Nothing but the Truth If it's the truth.....

anyways....

While Chatting with one of my Pastors recently; She mentioned something 'Freedom is the hardest thing for anyone to handle'... For days, I pondered on this and I came to the conclusion.... 'Freedom can sometimes be a Punishment'... Not to jump into any form of conclusion..... But; think about it..... Then; make a comment.

People push you a lot with their words... they push you to your limit and you just want to scream.... sit them down and get some info into their heads.... but sometimes; you can't get an access to those people.... So, I thought 'What could be the best way to handle such people' and while I was thinking about them.... I realized 'I didnt use to care about those people... what happened to me?? Ignoring them was my defense mechanism.... ' Maybe that's what I need to do; Ignore them.... Make them rant; talk.... say whatever; believe whatever!! It's not my concern.....

Competition isn't my thing.... I don't think have ever been into such... Of course; I always strive to be the best at everything am into....but competitiveness.... isn't just it. When you are in a competition.... This is what happens; You wish any form of ill-luck for the other people... You lose focus on the purpose of life or whatever and you focus on just being ahead.... You lose yourself and the person you really are.... and at the end of the day; You just can't recognize yourself anymore. The Problem Now is 'Everything i.e School, relationships, fashion....etc.... IS now turned to a competitive race'..... Life used to be way easier when there was no point to compete but you believed deep in your heart that you are the Best there is.... Noone else matters.

While holding on to the wrong things,.... you lose track of the right ones.... Yorubas would say 'bi a ba diju ki eni buruku koja,titi ti eni rere ma fi koja,a ko ni mo'... i.e...  Maybe it's time to stop focusing on the wrong things and focus on what's right.... what is useful for the future and dump everything not useful.....

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Disclaimer: If you made it to my blog; I want to believe you are a friend! Otherwise.... your opinion, your view or your thoughts doesn't matter. This IS MY BLOG SPOT!!!! If you can't deal with the content of a coffin; you shouldn't open it. Somethings shall remain mysteries not understood by ordinary minds

Bullying>>>> Suicide

• "When Non-Africans talk about Bullying... What comes to my mind is "Kids throwing paper towels at you, stuffing your locker with intimidating and offensive stuff, waiting around the corners of school to beat you up...or at least; try,kids abusing you" all these are trully 'Bullying' but the kinda Bullying Nigerians face in Boarding school (don't know about other Africans; Nigeria is the Case Study here 'cuz, am Nigerian and I was in a Boarding school) Am talking about "Senior students asking you to open up your mouth so they can pee in it, waking you up in the dead cold night to run some errands, asking you to fill baskets with drops of water that you could probably walk miles to get, am talking about people acquiring your clothing items, food items and even your allowances and Using for themselves, am talking about People cursing you; your family and the part of you that brings out REAL PAIN in you, am talking about People beating you up and promising to do even worse if you dare try to tell anyone" This is the Bullying that is worse than "Kids throwing paper towels at you, stuffing your locker with intimidating and offensive stuff, waiting around the corners of school to beat you up...or at least; try, also...kids abusing you"...n when this people opt for Suicide; I just wonder... what Nigerian kids are meant to do. Life for some; is very Unfair but am sure We (Nigerians) come out better because we know 'it would pass...this People will, one time graduate and leave us alone...So, Instead of getting depressed to suicide; we just count the number of years they have left. (except in Gossip girl...Ur bullies will just never stop. lol).
  The 'Amanda Todd' Story got me concern a lot... She wasn't bullied initially; she was harrased...and molested. She talked about 'meeting people on the Internet' give a young teen a computer with an internet access and check her history 30mins after and U will be surprised at where she has been. She will definitely visit Facebook because even at 5years; Darling Mother or Sister created an account on Facebook for her already...and when she gets bored; she searches for more Social Networking sites;she gets to meet people who wants her to open her webcam. They tell her all the things she has been dying to hear since she removed her braces 'You are beautiful, you are all grown...etc' and she feels 'oh...they like me; they tell me Nice things'...next thing they are doing is asking you to remove your top...and there; it starts! I don't know who to blame here...maybe the Parent who is trying to get the best stuff for their Children or Facebook and other Social Sites who allow Children to register (even if they don't; its just a site...you can always change your DOB unless they ask for additional Verification , or Bored little girls without friends who would rather be on the Internet (IKT)"
• 

  So, She changed schools and probably... Life got a little better. She made friends with an older boy. I can truly imagine why she did that. She probably felt "Hes old.. he's wiser, ...He's going to provide her security, protection and make her feel better about her past" and yet again... She falls in the cold hands of a Cruel immature toddler-thinking BOY. She was used and then...it all started again... the Bullying... the 'I hope you die' notes.

  and the Suicide....

  I think Suicide complicates it more cuz U leave Unanswered questions for your Family to answer and that is just cruel..sad and painful!

  I know what it feels like to be depressed, I know what it feels like for situations to make U feel like 'U re nothing', for Problems to make U feel 'it would end if you just leave the surface of the earth'... I know what it feels like to be disappointed, to be hurt... I know what it feels like to really cut yourself, I know what it feels like to attempt suicide. But when has it been the solution to problems?

  Robert Schuller wrote "Tough times never last but tough people do". this Statement alone explains the content of the whole book. A lot of things would Pass, the situation would even get better; it really will. You won't cry everyday, the problems would dissolve somehow... you won't be bullied forever, you won't be unemployed forever, you won't keep getting heart-broken, a lot of things ....actually, all of these situations wont persist for so long.

  and at the end of it all.... You become Stronger; you could even be an inspiration to someone... You could make the world better if you are just patient enough to wait for it to pass...

  So, when has Suicide ever been the Solution to Problems?

  NEVER!!

  Impatient people attempts Suicide.

  RIP to Amanda Todd and others who have taken their own lives to escape the cruelty of their Worlds."