By Jeniece Marie
A conversation
I've decided that since I've had no success with any other relationship in my life, this one couldn't hurt. I might as well give myself over to it. God asked me out...for real...like the big stuff...a few weeks ago. It's been difficult because I don't know that I can trust Him. I've been so hurt so many times. I've been rejected, abandoned, verbally and emotionally abused, tossed aside, ignored, crushed, and hurt. Why on earth would I trust another "guy" with my heart? Why put myself out there again.
"Because I created your heart."
Okay, good point. Fine, here's my heart. But inside I'm thinking, there's no way I'm letting my entire guard down for You. I don't care what You created - You're not getting in. You say that You'll change me, break me, remold me into Your original design. What on earth - or heaven for that matter - makes You think that I'm up for that kind of treatment? At least when a guy is done breaking me, he holds me...makes up for it. What can You do that will make the pain and anguish worth it all?
"I can protect you in ways you didn't know you needed protected. I can grant every desire that you've ever had and ever will have - and didn't know that you had. The full and overwhelmingly exciting life that you so desire is what I'm waiting to give you...if only you can trust me enough to hand over the controls."
Okay, so You want to drive. That's fine. But there is a lot of stuff I want to bring on this trip. You've got to let me have that.
"What is so important that you can't leave it behind?"
I'm glad you asked. This suitcase holds my family and my close friends. They are so important to me. Their opinions mean so much and I look to them for direction. How can I go on this trip without them?
"And..."
This bag holds my securities. I love my movies and my music...my books and mycell phone. I can't leave on a trip without some distractions. The journey would just be too long and boring. You can't expect me to make it with nothing to listen to or watch. That's just not fair.
"And..."
Well this trunk has my clothes and my make-up and other stuff. I have to look good for the journey. What if we meet some people along the way? I don't want to look dirty and uncared for. I don't want to be a mess when we get there.
"And..."
Well the other baggage is my past and my future. I can't let go of the pain I've had in my life because then I won't learn from it. I'll just get hurt again. I have to carry those walls and that pride with me too. I need protection from what we might meet along the way. Remember, no one is looking out for me, but me! I have to know where I'm going with my future. How else will I know how to plan it and what I need to do now? Somebody has to be in control. I can't leave my plans, goals, etc. just because You're on this trip too.
"And what about him..."
Him? Well I need that guy because I need that emotional support. I'll be a wreck if I try to do this myself. I need someone to hold my hand - to answer the phone when I call. I need affirmation of who and what I am. You know I'm trying to be independent and all, but a girl has got to have somebody to give her affection and promise wonderful things. I definitely can't let go of him.
Why do You ask about all this? Isn't it normal to take all this luggage on a trip?
"My dear sweet daughter. This is not a trip. This is the journey that will take the rest of your life. We will never be truly done. The only things that will fit in this vehicle are you, Me, and My perfect will for your life. Why would you want anything else? Why do you need to cling to family and friends and their opinions? Don't Mine mean enough to you? Do you not trust Me to lead you in the right direction?
Why do you need your securities as you so honestly name them? If you allow me to fill you to overflowing, they will all become unnecessary. Why must you fill your time and your life with things....things that have little to no importance in the face of what I can offer you? Why would you want to be distracted from what I am giving you? There are so many things to see and so many people to meet. Would you hide your face from these?
Why do you feel the need to 'look good'? The journey will be messy. You will get dirty, dusty, bloody even. What does it matter what clothes you wear and what your face looks like? I call you to take care of your body as it is a gift from me. What makes you think that you have to deck it out to impress others? You must only impress me. I will be the only decoration you ever need. You will glow with life - and what make-up or clothes can accomplish that better than Me? When we 'get there' as you put it, I'll have something much better for you to wear - nothing you can bring can compare.
My dear sweet child - what makes you think that your past hurts and your future plans can protect you from this life? Only I can protect you. Only I know what is coming down the road. Only I truly know what you've experienced. I was there when you thought you could die inside because of the way others spoke to you. I was there when you held the pills in your hand because the emotional pain was so intense you couldn't bear it. I was there when they laughed at you - rejected the beauty that I placed inside you. I was there when you cried yourself to sleep. You just chose not to see Me. Let go of the hurt and the damage and the scars and let me heal you. I only want the best for you. Why would you doubt that?
And as for him. He is beautiful and my creation. But you don't NEED him. You only NEED Me. I want to give you someone who will enhance your life - someone who will complement your beauty the way I intended it. Someone who will lift you up and treat you as I do. If you cannot perceive all of my will for your life, what makes you think that you can comprehend the person that you should be with for the rest of your life. You MUST let go of all of your attachments so that I can make you a whole person again. Then, and only then, can I give you that greatest of all human gifts. You must allow me to work with Him as well. How else will you fit each other the way I intended?
I am the King of all...earth is My footstool. You, my dear, are my princess because you are my daughter. Why would I not give you the best?"
Okay, You make a good argument. But I can't do this alone. I can't go through the pain alone. I'm too scared. I need something - someone to hold onto! I'm going into panic mode here...I can't do this! You can't make me do this!! I don't care how right you are! Just don't push me! Don't do this!!!!!
"My daughter, if you are ever to truly know me and the life that I have for you, you must be willing to let go of everything that you know and freefall into my arms. The pain comes when I break you...this must happen because you've allowed too much that is not of me to become apart of who you are. I love you too much to leave you that way when I know that there is so much more for you. Why would you hold onto the pain and the heartache when I want to fill your arms with my blessings? Why would you choose to wear the badge of this earth when I want to give you the sign of heaven? Only when you truly let go, can you TRULY FLY!!! I have called you to a life of freedom and unconditional love. When will you accept?"
Okay. But this is it. I'm never giving in again. You will have to prove Yourself to me. You can't stand me up. You have to be there when I need You. You have to help me throw out all my luggage. It's just too heavy for me. You have to fill those holes in my life and fulfill me. I'm so tired of being lonely and empty.
"My child, I love you more than you can ever comprehend and I look forward to our life together. I will show you every day - when you awake in the morning til you sleep at night. I will hold you in My arms while you rest and watch over you at night. I will protect you from those who wish to do you harm. I will provide for you in every way because you are my bride. I sacrificed myself completely for you even though you couldn't make up your mind whether or not I was worth it. If I would allow myself to be slaughtered just because of my love for you, why can you not trust your heart to me?"
Okay, Jesus, here we go. It's just You and me, your will and the open road. LET'S GO!!
